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Des Moines and Charlotte Wedding Photographer and Family Photographer

"My husband and I were so impressed by Haverlee! She went above and beyond to capture our little family in a natural, beautiful way. She was wonderful with our son and was patient when he needed a moment to calm down. She had wonderful suggestions for us that translated into stunning photos. Our family and friends were blown away by the photos and we will cherish them forever."

- Sarah K

I was slammed with a realization last night as I was lying awake with anxious thoughts about bookings and business.
I grew up in a household like many others. A father with a quick temper. A mother who shut down and stonewalled at the slightest disappointment. I hit puberty in the 90’s at the height of evangelical purity culture, when therapy was for the self-involved elite. Love felt like a privilege, not a right. I was praised for perfection and ruffling the least amount of feathers so I leaned into that role in my family. We also moved a lot and I started over with friendships every couple of years. We’ve all come such a long way but those early years set the stage for a lifetime of performance. My childhood was very lonely. My needs and feelings grew smaller so I’d appear more lovable. I desperately wanted to be chosen…to be deemed worthy of someone’s time and attention. I spent all of my high school years going out with anyone who paid me the least bit of attention, and then got married at 19 for a permanent sense of belonging. That marriage was a repeat of my childhood training. Don’t have needs, don’t express feelings, just be perfect and you’ll still be lovable. I lived on crumbs of affection until I was about 35. I’ve deconstructed and rebuilt my understanding of my own worthiness of love and finally have a very healthy marriage and wonderful relationship with my parents. Receiving love and tenderness on my worst days has healed me immensely. But last night I realized I’ve been living with that old mindset in my business. I feel desperate to be chosen. That wound of unworthiness flares up often. I spiral in my thoughts of failure, rejection, and lack of belonging in this industry. It’s time flip the script. (Cont’d in comments…)

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Open post by haverleephotography with ID 18115956550638747
I was slammed with a realization last night as I was lying awake with anxious thoughts about bookings and business. I grew up in a household like many others. A father with a quick temper. A mother who shut down and stonewalled at the slightest disappointment. I hit puberty in the 90’s at the height of evangelical purity culture, when therapy was for the self-involved elite. Love felt like a privilege, not a right. I was praised for perfection and ruffling the least amount of feathers so I leaned into that role in my family. We also moved a lot and I started over with friendships every couple of years. We’ve all come such a long way but those early years set the stage for a lifetime of performance. My childhood was very lonely. My needs and feelings grew smaller so I’d appear more lovable. I desperately wanted to be chosen…to be deemed worthy of someone’s time and attention. I spent all of my high school years going out with anyone who paid me the least bit of attention, and then got married at 19 for a permanent sense of belonging. That marriage was a repeat of my childhood training. Don’t have needs, don’t express feelings, just be perfect and you’ll still be lovable. I lived on crumbs of affection until I was about 35. I’ve deconstructed and rebuilt my understanding of my own worthiness of love and finally have a very healthy marriage and wonderful relationship with my parents. Receiving love and tenderness on my worst days has healed me immensely. But last night I realized I’ve been living with that old mindset in my business. I feel desperate to be chosen. That wound of unworthiness flares up often. I spiral in my thoughts of failure, rejection, and lack of belonging in this industry. It’s time flip the script. (Cont’d in comments…)
Haverlee Photography, wedding, senior and family photographer in Des Moines Iowa

Photographing love and life in Des Moines, Iowa, Western North Carolina and beyond.